BizArticZ!

MANAGING PEOPLE
WHAT TO DO WHEN AN
EMPLOYEE CRIES AT WORK

BY AMY GALLO

There are lots of reasons someone might be upset at
work, from the personal (divorce,
illness, kid troubles) to the professional (a failed project, bad
review, or nasty colleague). Given
how much time we spend in the office, it seems inevitable that
people will occasionally get
emotional. But how should you handle tears as a manager? What should you do with a distraught
employee?
What the Experts Say
Many managers are
uncomfortable with emotional behavior — whether it's positive or negative. "People think to be
professional, you need to ignore your emotions and those of the people around you," says Jeffrey
Sanchez-Burks, an associate professor of management and
organization at the Ross School of Business at the University of Michigan, whose research shows
this to be the norm in most American workplaces. But few
people can live up to this standard. "We don't leave our
humanity at the office door," he says. Anne Kreamer, author of It's
Always Personal: Emotion in the New Workplace, agrees: "You can't decide what to wear to work, let alone close a
deal, or make an important presentation without emotions being involved," she says. Crying is a biological reaction to stress,
"an emotional reset valve" (and
one that is more easily triggered in women for physiological reasons). So instead of ignoring your employees' tears, respond to them. Here are some practical
steps.
Act like yourself
When you're faced with a weeping employee, your first
instinct should be to help.Sanchez-Burks advises approaching the person as if
he's someone in your social network outside of work. "We
already have the script and the
capability, but we need to get over how to do it inside the
office," he says. What specifically you do — offer a tissue, ask
what's wrong, give a hug,suggest a walk outside — will depend on your relationship,how long you've worked
together, and the office culture.
The key is to engage, and let the tears flow, instead of ignoring or
judging the person.
Figure out what's really going on
Sometimes even when the reasons for the tears seem clear,
they might not be. An employee might start sobbing in a review
conversation but she's really upset about her mother being
sick. Once they've let the emotions out, "it's your job to tease out what's going on and
how you can help," Kreamer says.
Managers should be able to gently ask questions that get at
the underlying issue. Try saying,"What's going on?" or "Is there anything else you want to tell
me?" "You don't need to be a therapist," says Sanchez-Burks,
"you just need to be available." At the same time, respect your employees' boundaries. She might not want to confide in the boss. Don't take it personally.
Instead, try to monitor the situation from a distance, or ask
another employee who's close with her to check in and make
sure she's all right.

Keep it simple
If you've identified that the problem is a personal one, stick
to simple and comforting responses — "I'm sorry" or "This
is a horrible situation." Don't tell
him that everything's going to be OK or imply that he should buck up. And resist the temptation to
tell a story of your own. "The last thing in the world an anxious employee wants to hear about is how you handled your own or someone else's illness," says
Kreamer.
Focus on work-related concerns
"The most helpful thing you can do is listen and try to help them solve their work-related concerns," Kreamer advises. If you discover that an office issue prompted the crying, work with
the employee, and colleagues if necessary, to address it. If it's a personal problem, you can also
help her make a plan. You might say something like, "This is rough, let me know what would
be most helpful to you and we'll see if we can make that happen."
Try to get specific. Can you temporarily reduce her workload? Can you set up regular
check-ins to monitor the situation and how it's affecting her work? "In the most extreme case, it could be necessary to
suggest a leave of absence and bring in temporary help,"
Kreamer says.
Don't play psychiatrist
There may be some situations that you're not equipped to
handle: mental illness or substance abuse, for example. In
these cases, or in any situation that you're not comfortable
addressing, refer the person to HR or an employee assistance
program (EAP). This shouldn't be your first reaction when you see tears, but you also shouldn't take
on something out of your comfort zone.
Pay attention
Don't wait for a crisis to tune into people's emotions.